Thoughts Like Poison
by Fire Bender
Summary: Asami is hurt after seeing her boyfriend search so passionately. I had to re-post the story due to a formatting error. If you can figure out why my story is formatted the way it is, you have seen through my trickery.


Alright...so I had posted this story earlier, but I realized the formatting was wrong because it uploaded weird, so I deleted it, and edited it because I'm an idiot. Enjoy the story! Set after the events of Out of the Past from Asami's perspective.

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_We're so happy to find her. I am too but…it wasn't fair; that way that he looked at her.  
__No Asami, no, no, no. I can't lose the only boy I've ever loved. He used to look at me like that, but this whole night we're like  
strangers, that he only showed his caring through one kiss, that one simple note as to who has his heart.  
To be jealous is only human though. Love is a beautiful thing when it is real, and I really thought that this  
love was real, but who am I kidding._

_You…Mako…you handsome brooding firebender, the boy who made me swoon in ways that you can't  
know. His mind is elsewhere; his heart is far beyond my reach. He used to hold me tightly, it seemed like  
the only way we felt like one being. But that way…that way he carried her off Naga, he is breaking the  
rules that exist within my mind. That your boyfriend should love you and not another girl simultaneously  
__and it's unacceptable to be that protective. But who am I kidding, that is not who I am, I am not someone  
so disconcerted, but I really should be. The two of us are such different women, but I wonder what she'd  
do. Shouldn't I be angrier then? She's hurt now; I can't do that to her…or him, that's unfair. But shouldn't  
I be angry in the first place?_

_A life so fortunate for me, right? Is my life fortunate right now? I thought I was living a life that was so  
full with opportunity and fortune. Really I'm just being a fool. It seems my boyfriend doesn't understand  
commitments; but they kissed. I don't want to believe Bolin, but they apparently kissed. I want to know  
what is going through his mind. Does he think about __her__ when we're together? I can't help but look and  
I'm looking at his eyes and his look unto hers. When he looked at her, I saw this spark in his eyes. And I'm  
thinking that I was foolish to believe that there was nothing between them. Have I really been that blind  
of their interactions?_

_You were the boy who could've been the one. He used to hold me tightly, and I simply hoped that he  
wouldn't hold another girl like that. He carried her with such loving care, and I knew that she's lucky to  
get his love. The love that I thought we had shared. I thought it was love at first sight, our relationship;  
this supposedly functioning relationship was now hanging by a thread; holding us together, keeping us  
from falling apart and becoming so distant. Would we be friends if they started dating? But I know that  
any boy wouldn't suffice for me. I had fallen in love with this boy, this handsome boy and it just feels like  
other boys or men or whoever comes across my path in the future would not fill up the whole made by a  
guy that I thought loved me._

_I don't need this right now. He was so overprotective; it was inspiring to say the least. In all fairness, he  
just acted that way when __she__ was accusing my father of being one of them. I just  
wanna be honest, I wanna be reasonable. He took my side, like he should have, but we were wrong, and __she__ was right. I can  
tell that he is just an overprotective person, but I can't help but feel upset. I want to talk to  
you Mako, tell you what is going through my mind, but I'm so broken. I don't know what's keeping me alive but I know  
how I've been able to smile through all these hard times. I want to be the fighter my father wanted, but  
I'm just a fragile girl, and this bender that I have fallen helplessly in love with will never know how I am  
feeling right now. How my heart feels like broken shards stabbing me right where it hurts._

_Gotta be strong Asami. For Korra, for Bolin, for Mako, for dad. But I am not strong and I'm trying to  
make myself into someone strong like the Avatar. I am my own person, but with my friends,  
you guys, you just have no idea how thankful I am for being with all of you. I feel part of a family and I hope you  
understand that. But I can't be here anymore. I just want to leave, but could I ever do that to you?_

_Never; I can't just say to them, "Hey guys, it's been a lot of fun travelling and what not but I think I'm  
gonna go, so I'll see you around." That's stupid. We have so much to live for and it'so hard to just get up,  
give this lifestyle a goodbye. I have grown to love these people…but Mako…I want to say something like  
"you hurt me…how dare you do that to me, I thought you love me?" But I'm not like her; I can't muster  
up the courage to do anything like that._

_Never will I ever become a fierce woman who stands up for herself. I can't see exactly where my life is  
gonna go, but I am blinded by love. It's naïve that he's supposed to be with me, but my hurt heart won't  
let me believe that our love was something true. I just want to say to him that it was  
you…all you, it is you who broke my heart" but I can't do that in front of all these people. I don't bring people's moods  
down…I'm not that heartless. Will he love me again after tonight?_

_Never. It seems as though tonight was the unofficial break up of Asami and Mako, but I am definitely not  
gonna to let him go that easily. Sitting here with all these people, I hug my legs tightly, but I need to run.  
Run as fast as I can to escape the damages that ripped my heart into pieces. After we had just been all  
around to find her, and he ran to her. He ran to me too, when I saw him in prison and his kiss; he can't  
and I can't do this though. His lips were so warm and I felt so safe, the feeling that I knew Mako wouldn't  
desert his girlfriend like that. His kiss was a new way of speech. It told me that "  
you Asami, you're her; you are the girl I love." Could I ever forgive him?_

_Never could I ever forgive him. He was neglecting me and focusing on her, but she's the Avatar, I'm not  
gonna make a scene and be the prissy girl she thought I was. I don't know what to make of this, what to  
make of this night. That way…that way he carried her off Naga, it looked right. As I watch Mako carry  
you Avatar, I feel my heart plummet into my stomach, and I all I can feel is emptiness. My eyes want to  
cry, but I hold back the tears. I can be strong. But I will never be as strong as her._

_Never again will he wrap his arms around me. I will remember how they were so comforting, but I'm  
gonna be honest with you Mako, I don't know how I'll be able to break this off. I can't find the words to  
say what I'm thinking right now. These thoughts are like poison, and I need you to be the antidote, but  
goodbye is coming way too soon than I had wanted. I can't be with you when you clearly want her._

_Never will I forgive myself after that soon coming day but I know it's coming soon. I know that it is, I'm  
gonna have to do it eventually. I don't want to do it, though. I wish I could just pretend it didn't happen  
tell myself that we can still be happy together. You and I, Mako, we're such  
a beautiful couple, and we're a couple that could still be together if I just let myself pretend. I was never good at pretending though, a  
lie like this would be hard for me to keep. I'd be lying to myself that you loved me and only me. Happy  
and in love…just the two of us being happy, while you still harbored feelings for Korra. But I won't, it'd  
hurt way too much. My life seems to be a sham, and the only thing keeping me going was you Mako, it's  
you who made me feel happy. But I can't love you anymore. It's just unfair, but I know you'll be happy._

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So it's formatted this way for a particular reason. If you can figure it out on your own I will give you an internet cookie. If you don't figure it out, it's okay I'll help. Just leave a review and let me know if you like the story =) - Fire Bender


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